I’m all about feminism and I’m all about feminist weddings. If you’re in the process of planning your wedding and you’re getting really wound up about all the out-dated patriarchal norms, then fear not, I’ve put together a few tip to help you plan a feminist wedding. TL;DR, basically, just do whatever YOU and your partner want. Everyone will have an opinion on what you should do for your wedding, that is totally cool, it’s usually just because they care about you and want you to have the best day ever. If a wedding tradition sounds totally weird to you and really doesn’t sound like something you want to do then simply don’t do it. My favourite thing about weddings is how unique they are, everything is such an individual choice. You should never feel pressured into doing something when you’re getting married because it’s tradition, forget tradition, you do you.
Women can propose too, even if it’s not a leap year
If I hear “this year’s a leap year, this means *insert women’s name here* can propose” again I might explode. Women are always able to propose to their partner if they want to. I think the big thing with proposing is that it should never be a complete surprise, regardless of who’s asking whom. It’s always a grand idea to have discussed marriage and when you’d like to get married before anyone pops the question. If you’ve been looking forward to your partner proposing to you and you know it’s on the cards soon, then that’s totally cool. There’s nothing wrong with women wanting to be proposed to, but equally women don’t have to wait for their partner to ask them either. To make things super equal you could even propose to each other or, just have a conversation that you’d like to get married and BAM, you’re engaged, congratulations!
Plan the wedding together
This might seem obvious but unfortunately this task is often seen as the “bride’s job” or, the groom may not feel that he has much input. In the same way that you would run a household, the wedding is for BOTH of you, so you should definitely both sit down and work out what kind of day you want and work out what is important to both of you. This way no one person has to take on all the stress of organising the entire wedding and you both get the day that you want.
Screw weight loss
Far too many times I’ve seen weight loss adverts in wedding magazines. Your partner is intending to marry you, for exactly who you are right now. You do not need to lose weight, you’re fabulous the way you are.
Have a Sten do
I find gendered parties a bit confusing, I have friends of both genders that I’d want with me at a “hen” do. I also think I’d want my partner there too, it would feel a bit weird to me to celebrate my impending marriage without the person I was marrying. A Sten party is a great alternative to separate stag and hen dos, you can gather up all your mates and have an awesome pre-wedding bash. This way your favourite human gets to be there with you too!
Wear whatever you want
A wedding dress does not have to be white, it does not have to be a dress. You don’t have to wear a suit. You can wear whatever you want to your wedding, if that is a white dress or a suit then that is totally cool. But if you’d rather wear matching rainbow jumpsuits then DO THAT. (Also please get in touch because that sounds incredible).
Get ready together
I know a lot of couples feel really anxious about walking up the aisle and seeing each other for the first time. To alleviate this stress you can simply get ready together, this makes the morning so much more chilled, there’s no “big reveal” to get stressed about. Alternatively you could have a first look with each other away from all your guests.
Nobody has to give you away
You do not have be walked down the aisle by your dad. You can be walked down by your mum, both your parents, your siblings, your mate or by yourself. The legend that is Chloe, walked halfway down the aisle by herself and the rest of the way with her husband to be, I thought this was lovely because it really signified their new life together.
Having feminist speeches
Traditionally, women generally don’t do speeches at their weddings. The normal format is, father of the bride, the groom and then the best man. In the last few years I’ve noticed a wonderful growing trend of speeches from the ladies. These can be from any women that are involved in the wedding who would like to say something, this can be the bride, the maid of honour, the couples mum’s. Don’t rule out doing a speech because it’s not “the done thing”, if you want to stand up and thank all your guests for coming, you can totally do that.
Deciding on a surname
Traditionally the women has always taken the groom’s name. I’m starting to see a big trend of couples double barrelling their surnames, I think it’s really important to have a good think about this, your names don’t have to be the same but if you’d like them to be then you both need to be understanding that each of your names is equally as important. You can double barrel your surnames, the groom can take the bride’s name, you can make up a whole new name, you can each keep your original surnames. There are no rules here, do whatever feels right!
I hope this guide to planning a feminist wedding was helpful! If you’re looking for a creative and relaxed photographer for your wedding, then get in touch, I’d love to hear from you!